Lost Random Chatter

basically want to commit this to my memory, hence typing it out as the pieces click into place in my head...

- respect- one form of it - is keeping ur word....
I respect u- so when I tell u that I will do X - I do X, or I do a modified version of X- hmmm- I act upon doing X..

hmm?

- going by that, I really don't respect myself- I tell me I will do something- and 10 times out of 11 squirm & squeeze out of the doing... and 9 times out of that I don't bother with explanations..shrug.. "It's just me..."..

"a weak will power" is perhaps just an euphemism for this basic lack of respect.... and perhaps the basis for my 'time inconsistency syndrome'...

needless to say, this lack of connection between respect and 'keeping my word' has extended to people other than me- damaging consequences, of course- at the lightest- being hailed as irrefutable proof for the unpunctual indian stereotype, and at the more grim side of things- loss of credibility and a certain bleeding of faith in my closest relationships...

... So, what am I going to do about it ?
(You see, this is the crux of the matter- it is at the doing that I falter, stumble and fall...!)

.....take it one small step at a time (i'm easily overwhelmed)..
...will keep you posted as I hit some (any?) milestones.

*****
milestone 1: managed to stay off the net for a good 24 hours (except for uni. email) to get some pressing work done...

2: didnt kill myself for little lapses- moved into the next 24...

*CRASHHHH* borrowed a couple of books from the county library- started reading 'The Prince of Tides' (Pat Conroy)- kept going all night till I finished it- after telling myself "just one more chapter" for the initial dozen...
& no- it wasn't the book...

- am I hopeless or am I hopeless....